Do you know about - Why Your Husband Won't Talk to You
Western Reserve! Again, for I know. Ready to share new things that are useful. You and your friends.I recently saw a cartoon depicting husbands and wives talking to one another. The funny aspect of the cartoons was how the cartoonist was demonstrating why men and women fail to understand one another. In each cartoon the husband or wife would say something and the spouse would hear something totally different and far more negative. In one cartoon the husband hears "Why don't you stick you head in a vice and I will turn the handles until your eyes explode from their sockets?" What the wife actually said was "why don't we turn off the TV and talk?" One thing is for sure and that is that the notion of just sitting and talking for the purpose of talking just doesn't appeal to most guys. Not to say that men don't talk, a recent study showed that on average, men use about the same amount of words per day as women do. It's just this notion of simply talking without a particular topic in mind that leaves us guys feeling particularly uncomfortable and reluctant to engage. Why?
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We had a good read. For the benefit of yourself. Be sure to read to the end. I want you to get good knowledge from Western Reserve.Well for one reason, men typically feel that talking is reserved for when you have something to say. This is not to indicate that men only talk about important things, how important is a batting average of a ball player you don't really know or how significant is the newest flat panel TV after all? But you won't see males calling someone just to chat or dropping by the house to have coffee and to catch up. They may call to see how you are doing or drop by because they want to hang out and would rather have company doing that than do it alone. The conversation around trivial things typically involves things that really interest that particular guy. One guy I know talks about business investments another talks about his farm animals (goats in this case). So when our wives say "let's talk" our immediate response, internally or externally, is "about what?" When the wife says "I don't know, let's just talk about our feelings and connect" that deer in the headlights look is really a deer in the headlights, baffled and fearful as to where this is going. If you had the opportunity to listen to the conversations going on in the boys locker room, you wouldn't hear a lot of emotional conversation going on. As a consequence, this whole notion of talking simply to talk and emotionally connect is uncharted waters.
Another reason is that guys are typically not really comfortable simply talking about feelings. If you think about the dating period, you will realize that he didn't really talk much about his feelings. He really spent time listening to you and enjoying small talk. I am reminded of a time I was leaving my office and a young man and woman were standing next to a new VW Beatle. She was talking about the car and he was paying rapt attention. It was obvious that they were in the early phase of their relationship. The change you see in your husband's attentiveness to you is not a loss of love as much as it is a sign of the comfort level and lack of novelty associated with the relationship. Now, before you get too upset with me just remember, you probably don't spend nearly as much time on your appearance just for him nor are you as flirtatious as you once were. Both parties change, just in different ways. So guys typically don't talk much about feelings simply for the sake of the enjoyment of the process. So when you ask him to take some time to just talk you might as well have asked him to go antique shopping in the morning, visit a tea room in the afternoon and cap the romantic day off with a trip to the ballet. His clear discomfort with the proposition is not a lack of interest in the relationship, it is a discomfort with a process he is likely to find unpleasant because he doesn't know what to say.
What most guys don't realize is that the process of talking to their wives doesn't have to be complex or uncomfortable. Typically the wife is approaching her husband to talk because she is feeling disconnected and has been for some time. She is trying to draw close to her husband in the way that she knows and finds desirable. If husband's knew that he simply has to talk a little about the events of his day and listen to the events of his wife's day on a regular basis to address this need, it would go a long way towards resolving this age old problem. I was meeting with a couple and had shared this news with the husband, he tried it and to his amazement his wife was much happier with the level of communication, when he did it. He was also surprised to find that when the conversation started this way it frequently turned into a conversation with a greater degree of substance to it. Most men reserve talking to their wives when communicating around logistics (I will pick up the kids, will you stop at the store? and so on) or when something really big has happened. What they fail to realize is that a little discussion about their day and their thoughts go a long way towards that sense of connection for wives.
The beauty of this is that this is simple and seems doable for most men, it is a relief to know what their wives expect of them when it comes to that "talking" thing. It is also encouraging that often, these types of conversations lead to more meaningful discussions because thoughts are spurred for the husband and he doesn't feel like he is on the hot seat to start talking about his feelings because his wife wants him to. If you are a guy and reading this article, hope this helps. If you are a woman reading this article hope it helps you understand you man a little more. You can also attempt to communicate this concept to him yourself, or, just maybe, (since it's short) you can get him to read the article for himself. Happy talking!
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